Cops
by The Anonymous Sparrow
Summary: FBI Agents, Sasuke Uchiha, and Naruto Uzumaki are partners, and the best of friends. But after making a fatal mistake on a two month long solo-case, things go downhill. When these two screw-up cops go on a small mission, and it all goes wrong in a car crash, what happens? They have to pretend to be Sunagakure celebrities. Whom are girls. Challenge accepted? How long can this last?


The sun shined, cars honked, and the buildings stood tall, the Statue of Senju stood tall on Liberty Island, this was Konohagakure, one of the most popular cities in the world, home of STDS, Gangs, and bad-ass FBI agents.

Ironically cliché Spanish parade music blasted from a small Gas Station on 51st' street, people passed by without a second thought, though one person, driving a dark blue ice-cream truck searched the streets, specifically looking for the small, plain looking, gas station.

The driver had dark black hair, and a scary face—scars riddled the man, old burns covered the back of his arms and neck, knife scars covering his face and arms, looking about mid-30's, he must be a very active man…—

No shit.

With a grunt, the man parked the car illegally on the side of the road, when there was a convenient parking spot right in front of him.

Stupid illegal ice-cream man, you think you have a hard life?

You sell ice-cream.

GTFO.

The scary looking man walked into the gas stations store attachment, passing by racks of chips and candy products that we're of no use to him.

Two identical men with light brown hair followed behind him, looking around the beat-up room, it was painted a disgusting green that clashed horribly with the pink and white checkered floor, the walls paint was chipped, and the floor was cracked, posters and advertisements hung above where there where most obviously bullet holes.

"Tell Hashimoto his ice cream is here." The scarred man grunted with a glare, the disheveled bald Spanish man gave a shrill giggle. The Spanish man's name was Sasuke, Sasuke Uchiha, and this was not how he acted at all, he mentally groaned, acting like this was humiliating.

Sasuke was lucky he took Spanish, along with five other language classes, "Hola, ¿en qué puedo ayudarle? Hashimoto? Sí, espera, espera, yo-yo, I-I get them. Vete a la mierda." [1] The man in front of rolled his eyes, his face shifting into a look of annoyance, "get Hashimoto," the man grunted again. "Hashimoto!" Sasuke screamed, and the man resisted the urge to pound his face against the wall.

Naruto—Sasuke's partner, was dressed as 'Hashimoto', Naruto came out, shaking his maracas with a grin. It was a good thing Sasuke learned how to act himself, and it was a slightly bad, yet good thing Naruto knew how to act… himself. Naruto gave a grin, "Paco-Paco-Paco-Paco! Sí, Sí! It is I-a, Hashimoto-a~"

Unfortunately Naruto didn't know how to speak Spanish to save his life.

Sasuke heaved a mental sigh, but in actuality faked a grin. He secretly hoped Naruto wouldn't do something stupid—or that their fake mustaches wouldn't fall off.

"Freeze!" Sasuke yelled, and Naruto slightly nodded towards Sasuke, "Hammer Time!" Naruto shouted and Sasuke sent a wink, they'd strike in a second, once they got the opportunity. Two danced mumbling 'Spanish' gibberish. Most of the 'Spanish' coming from Sasuke, and most of the gibberish coming from Naruto; Naruto dropped his maracas nonchalantly and stepped towards the counter, and next to Sasuke.

"Show me the money." The scarred man, Toto, glared. Sasuke pulled out a silver bullet proof case; he opened it, revealing thousands of dollars in fake bills. The ice-cream man's eyes widened, then retracted back to normal, looking around in slight suspicion, "bring it in."

The two boys' behind him turned, returning back into the room in seconds, three barrels of giant ice-cream stacked on a dolly. Toto looked to the ground, averting his eyes as he shut the case, "there's your ice-cream," he _attempted _to turn around and rush out of the store, emphasis _on attempted. _

Sasuke grabbed his sleeve, and as he turned, he quickly let go as Naruto began to speak—well, yell. "Caramba, la-la-la, le—Paco-Paco, mierda-mierda-mierda, ramen, y-y decir que," Naruto jumped onto the counter, grabbing Toto's tie, snacks fell off the counter with a loud bang, crunches where heard as the snacks rolled as chips where broken from impact.

Sasuke felt the urge to face palm—but, the plans were going the way they were supposed to, so it was fine, he thought with an absent-minded smirk. Sasuke slowly took off the safety from his gun tucked into the back of his jeans, ready to fight any second. "H-He says," Sasuke started in a shrill voice, brushing back his fake brown hair, "he say—"

Naruto pulled the man close, yelling with a crazed look, "¿Cómo estás, mi nombre es Michael Jackson, cuarto de baño, por favor, hola, hola, hola, hola, estoy perdido." Sasuke started acting once again, "H-He says," but Naruto continued for a second, "then—then I say, Papi! Papi! No, no, no!_ Jesús, _papi! Papi! "

He imitated the noise of a machine gun, waving around his two hands, Sasuke let out a breath, hitting him upside the head. "He say," Sasuke started,

"FBI, you're under arrest." The two yelled at the same time, pulling of their masks and fake mustaches, revealing their true, sexy faces.

Kami built them well—

Sasuke had dark spiked back hair, his bangs falling into his face as he sucked in a cold breath, his pale skin glistened and he gave his normal smirk, onyx eyes searched the men, the mask was stuffy, and he barely could see the two men through the realistic eye-holes. He knew he didn't need his gun for this fight; Naruto had his back, and always did.

Naruto, blonde spiked up banana-colored hair, bright blue almond shaped eyes the color of the sea, and naturally sun-kissed skin, whisker like marks on his cheeks, both had rippling muscles, but weren't unnaturally buff, their bodies were practically perfection to women, they only thing that turned them off, well, turned them off of Naruto—was his personality

Sasuke was cold, smart, and in a word: Cool.

Lady's loved him.

Naruto was friendly, hyper, at times idiotic, and in a word: Passionate.

Lady's… didn't exactly love him, but only because of his boy-ish-ness—Naruto never grew up, but he was a true man at heart, who believed in equal rights, love, and friendship.

Most women saw that in him, and loved him after a few days, or even after first glance, but Naruto definitely wasn't the most popular of the two.

Though Naruto got slightly jealous or smug at times, the two were best friends, and always had been, though they always had been competitive against each other.

"He's going to run." Sasuke held up his badge that was hanging around his neck loosely.

"No, dattebayo." Naruto yelled with a grin, holding his badge with pride.

Toto's eyes widened and he and his men turned around, making a break for the door.

Bad-ass time.

"You owe me a dollar" Sasuke shouted,

Sasuke immediately jumped over the counter and flipped on top of the small aisle wall, heard the candy and chips fall off a few of their racks, he jumped on top of the two men with a smirk, feeling their bodies slam on the floor, while he —unharmed— stood on their body's.

Naruto rounded the corner around the counter, grabbing the bigger man, Toto, from behind, as Toto turned Naruto punched him straight in the face, the man fell against the counter, and Naruto immediately picked him up by the hair and slammed his face into the cash register.

The two men under Sasuke shifted, and one grabbed his leg, throwing him to the ground. Sasuke reacted with flipping back, and giving the man a quick uppercut to the jaw, he groaned, and his unaccounted for partner grabbed Sasuke from behind, giving him several quick amateur punches to his gut. Sasuke flexed his abs before punching the man in the face, _hard. _

Naruto and Toto fought, and Naruto got several punches from the bigger man in the gut, making Naruto groan. Toto threw Naruto across the room and over the counter, causing him to ram into the wall. Naruto popped back up within a few seconds.

"Is that all your big-ass got?" Though a line of blood dribbled off of his chin, and his muscles slightly ached, Naruto was pretty good. Naruto gave a cheesy grin, before jumping onto the counter, and onto the bigger man's back, his arms wrapped tightly around his neck, choking the man.

Toto spun around, and Naruto held on—not choking him anymore, but instead hanging on for dear life.

Seriously, when you're up in the air on a six foot guy's shoulder, and he's spinning around, you're going to be freaking scared.

Sure, you're not jumping off an airplane—but still!

"Sasuke!" He yelled, "Sasuke, help! Dattebayooooooooo," Naruto whined, eyes widened, adrenaline pumping.

The other man charged at Sasuke and he twisted, grabbing a coffee pot from its post by the wall and slamming it on his head. Hearing his friends cry, he immediately grabbed out his gun, pointing at the men, "I swear to Kami I will shoot you. Get your ass on the wall!" Sasuke yelled, quite flustered, though a cocky smirk was in place.

Sasuke huffed before putting his gun back, and rushing towards the still fighting pair. Sasuke gave a few professional punches to his abdominal, and he finally collapsed as blood trickled from his lips.

Naruto hugged Sasuke, and the two shared cocky grins, looking at the muscular men face-down on the floor. "We did it." Sasuke laughed, his cold demeanor gone for now, "we finally did it," Naruto laughed, too, a cheesy grin plastered to his face. "20 Keys of—" Sasuke opened one of the ice-cream lids with a smirk, dipping his finger inside the cold desert, he chuckled and raised it to his lips, sucking the contents with a pleased smile, before it turned into a confused frown. "Ice-cream…?" Naruto squinted his eyes, "no, Dattebayo, it's supposed to be drugs!"

Thanks for stating the obvious.

Hmpf.

Sasuke slapped him up the backside of his head, eyes widening, "obviously, dobe! Where are the drugs?" He bent down to Toto twisting his neck by picking his limp body from the collar of his Polo shirt, "where are the drugs?!" Sasuke yelled in anger.

A two month solo project, just Naruto and Sasuke, in it together, for the first time, no back up, no chief, no nothing.

And they blew it.

This couldn't be happening.

"I don't sell drugs… I sell ice-cream… Neapolitan, for example… Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate…" He spat tiredly.

I'm personally surprised he can talk with that busted lip.

Suddenly, a bell rang, and three men stepped inside. The first one was short, bald, and looked like an evil gnome.

Gnome.

Bask in horror.

"Tell Hashimoto his ice-cream is her—" The midget cut himself off, looking at the bodies, then looking at the badges. "I'm sorry, wrong shop…" He grunted, going to step out.

"FBI! Freeze!"

They yelled raising their guns, the three other men immediately took out their guns and began shooting, bullets flew everywhere, hitting the walls, the floor, the products—even in the ice-cream.

The bullets almost hit Naruto's ass.

If Sasuke hadn't grabbed him and ducked behind the counter, his ass would be stinging, and he'd be praying for mercy, right at this very second.

"Sasuke?" Naruto murmured, looking to his partner in worry. "Hn. I'm fine." They jumped up, aiming their guns, but the men rushed out of the store.

The previously limp and beat up bodies of the ice-cream men looked around before running out of the store, also. Naruto and Sasuke ran out with frantic looks, only to see a two different ice-cream trucks driving in different directions.

"Which way, Sasuke!?"  
Sasuke put his gun away and closed his eyes, kicking the air.

"Fuck it, I don't know…"

Yup—they were going to definitely get their asses chewed by Kakashi—the chief.

They were going to get their asses fired when Kakashi saw the bill for damages.

_ [1] Hello, how may I help you? Hashimoto? Yes, wait, wait, I-I get them. Fuck you._

_[2] Shit, shit, shit, ramen, a-and that,_

_[3] How are you, my name is, Michael Jackson, bathroom please, hello, hello, hello, hello, I'm lm lost._


End file.
